Cephalonia
by Happymood
Summary: AU. Feliciano's is a simple soldier that suffers from panic attacks. He doesn't like his tenant Ludwig, and Ludwig doesn't like him. They think they are not meant to be friends, until they are ordered to move to Cephalonia, where they realize they are friends and more... only, it's too late. Gerita.
1. Chapter 1

"Not again…"

Ludwig Beilschmidt lets out a loud groan he is sure the man in the hole underneath him will surely hear. The man doesn't move and remains crouched down with his hands in his light chestnut hair. Ludwig can't see his face, but he can imagine it very well. He groans again, if only to cover the raspy breathing of the man beneath him.

"Feliciano." Ludwig barks out. It is an order, but Feliciano's shoulders keep shaking and his fingers dig deeper into his own sculp. Ludwig is annoyed and jumps in the hole. Feliciano flinches and it's the only sign he is somehow aware of Ludwig's presence. Ludwig kneels down and touches the other's shoulder, and-finally! - Feliciano looks at him, his eyes open wide and lips slightly parted. He is still shaking and his breath is quick and painful. He looks like he had just waked up from a nightmare.

"Are you hurt?" Ludwig asks because he needs to ask. The Italian shakes his head. Ludwig knows the other won't talk for a while. He is terrified and he is having a panic attack. Ludwig retreats his hand from Feliciano's shoulder only to painfully grab the other's arm and push him on his feet. Feliciano complies and stands on his own shaky legs. He will follow him outside like a good puppy, Ludwig knows, and for a moment he wishes he had never found Feliciano hiding in the hole in the first place.

Ludwig wonders how anyone could recruit men like Feliciano. He is not meant for war and Ludwig is amazed at the other's capability of staying alive. Still, it would have been better if Feliciano died. People like him were useless, if they want to win. Ludwig admires his self-preservation, but he absolutely hates the other's gut. Nevertheless, he is his tenant and Feliciano is his responsibility.

His country's orders and Ludwig has to follow them.

* * *

Feliciano knows he is not meant for war. It's a family thing. When they told his brother and him that the country needs them, they both panicked. Lovino told him that they need to run and hide, but Feliciano said that that was called 'dissertation' and dissertation is punished with death.

When their Grandfather heard they were waiting for their official recruitment, he has said: "Don't go."

Lovino and Feliciano were the only family their grandfather had, so Lovino and Feliciano decided they should go and do _something_, mutilate themselves or take off their own teeth, anything, so they would be incapacitated to fight. They locked themselves in a room and took some tools, some pliers and a saw, with them.

That night they have looked at each other for hours, waiting for the courage to come and not think about the pain anymore. They wait and wait, but no one makes the first move. Then, as one, they put the pliers down and realize they won't die of old age.

Feliciano has hoped that he could at least fight with Lovino, but they end up in different regiments. Lovino goes to the South, Feliciano remains in the North.

It is there that he meets Ludwig Beilschmidt, who at first is just an ordinary soldier as Feliciano is. Feliciano doesn't like him from day one. The other is cold, his language is violent, and his eyes are soulless. This is how he looks at him, and this is his first impression.

He hates him immediately. Ludwig doesn't seem to take offence in that.

They train together.

Ludwig is fighting for his country and it shows. He believes everything their current sergeant and tenant are saying. Feliciano doesn't care about anything of that, he just wants to go home and sleep. Maybe even find a nice girl to spend the night with.

He manages not to be surly like Ludwig is. Even if war is just around the corner for him, Feliciano gulps down his sorrow and smiles. He makes friends in the regiment even. There are so many people like him, he suddenly doesn't feel alone.

They laugh behind the Germans back. They smoke when the sergeant doesn't see them, and once they manage to find a guitar and had a good night singing songs in the moonlight. Ludwig doesn't approve, but still he doesn't tell in on them.

Feliciano is glad, but he can't help wondering if Ludwig is just waiting for the right opportunity to spill the beans. He never finds out.

Because, sooner than they anticipated, they are waited at the frontline the very next morning. Feliciano can't sleep that night, but he doesn't risk taking all his things and run away. Some of his friends do, but the echo of rifle shots follow their escape too soon to be a coincidence. He remains where he is. He prays and prays and prays, but no God is listening to him that night.

* * *

They give him a gun, a helmet, everything that he needs to die. Feliciano follows the others until a point, until he hears the first shots and he ducks. His heart beats too quick, he has a panic attack and he doesn't know what to do. He can hear all the screams and the drops of blood falling on the ground.

He shots maybe, but he isn't sure. Fact is, he manages to somehow survive. Maybe is because Ludwig drags him away and shouts in his face until he regains some kind of consciousness. Ludwig kicks him away, and Feliciano fells into a hole in the earth. A man's death body falls on him and he uses it as a shield until everything is quiet again.

* * *

Ludwig becomes tenant that very same day. Their last one was killed, and Ludwig had been a good soldier. He had managed to save many of his men lives due to his cold blood and good strategy. Feliciano likes him even less.

How can someone act so coldly when people you love die? Feliciano wonders if Ludwig is even human.

* * *

It gets worse when Ludwig is the one training them. Feliciano doesn't want to take it personally, but it seems like Ludwig hates him in particular. They can't stand each other, and they are both aware of that. Ludwig makes Feliciano do the most exhausting things. When he catches him talking with a pretty girl once, he makes him peel potatoes for a month.

Feliciano should admire the other's sense of responsibility, but he sometimes wants to throw all the potatoes at the other's head. Instead he smiles and do as told, because his Grandfather always said to try and be cheerful even when you want to die inside.

It is that fake cheerfulness that Ludwig can't stand.

* * *

The next time they find themselves fighting at the frontline, Feliciano immediately finds a spot to hide. It comes out naturally, and when Ludwig finds him, he just passes on.

* * *

Feliciano can't sleep at night, but he is wide awake in the mornings. He sings with his comrades, and when they patrol the city, they always hit on girls and spend their nights with them. Ludwig starts to follow them after the sergeant caught one of them in the act, but it still doesn't stop them.

Life is too short, and Feliciano wants to explain it to Ludwig, but the other doesn't seem to understand. He pretends to not care then, but after the fifth time Ludwig just silently watches them from afar, he decides to stop flirting and go to Ludwig instead.

"I know you are my tenant and all, but we started as simple soldiers together so I want to speak to you like I would with a friend!" Feliciano exclaims. The other just looks at him, his eyes as cold as ice. Feliciano's smile falters. "I-is that okay with you? J-just tell me if you don't like it, okay?"

Ludwig just rolls his eyes up to the sky.

"Err…" He searches for the right words, "You should let them loosen up a little bit." He tries, "You know how hard it is to see your friend die every day, right? This is not our war, we-!"

"It _is_ your war." Ludwig says speaking for the first time. Feliciano is taken aback. "You speak sometimes too much, Feliciano."

It's the first time Ludwig calls him by name and not by surname, so it takes him a while to regain composure.

"I- I… err… I am sorry."

"Anyway." Ludwig cuts and groans. "That girl over there keeps looking this way. Go and make her stop, it gets on my nerves." He says, turns heels and walks away.

Feliciano watches him go and then looks behind his back to see the girl waving amicably at him. He stops thinking about Ludwig all together and goes her way. He can forget the war for a couple of hours.

* * *

The next time, Feliciano almost dies. He felt the bullet scratch the surface of his cheek's skin. It is a very strange feeling and it leaves him paralyzed. His enemy is right in front of him; he can see him and know he is going to die. The panic attack doesn't take him by surprise, the grenade does, though. The blood is hot against his skin. The dirt the grenade swifts up is as if in a dream.

He is safe and feels a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?"

It's Ludwig. He is screaming over all that noise to make himself understandable. Feliciano looks at him and, trying to breathe normally, smiles. Ludwig's eyes on him hardened at that. He lets go of Feliciano and starts shooting again.

* * *

The next time they train, Ludwig loses his patience. Maybe is because Feliciano hasn't sleep all that well the past months. He is tired and continuously terrified. He can't take it anymore, he is going to lose it, and Ludwig doesn't understand.

Ludwig punishes him and orders him to go peel potatoes. Feliciano hates potatoes and hates him. He hates him from the bottom of his heart, he hates his coldness, and he hates the other sense of responsibility and that aura of being always in the right. He hopes that he will finally stop seeing the other's face when he will sit in his little corner to peel the potatoes, but Ludwig doesn't leave him alone.

He follows him, and Feliciano tries to smile, he really tries, but it's hard.

"Do you think this is a game?!" Ludwig screams. Feliciano flinches. He doesn't like when they shout at him. "Do you think this is all a joke?"

"I-I don't." Feliciano says, a little bit irritated, a little bit hopeful that if he agrees with Ludwig, the other will leave him alone. He doesn't.

"Stop being like this and fight like a man then!" Ludwig exclaims, "Why are you acting like this?"

"Jesus…" Feliciano says under his breath, but Ludwig hears him and grabs his arm. Feliciano flinches and lets out a cry. It's painful, but Ludwig squeezes harder.

"Stop it." Ludwig says, and Feliciano wants to tell him that he should be the one saying that. Ludwig's grip suddenly loosens.

"Stop showing the world you don't care but for your life." Ludwig suddenly hisses, "Even walls have ears, you get it? You could get in trouble."

Feliciano's heart skips a beat and looks at Ludwig straight in the eyes. He blinks at him, and from the shock the knife he was holding falls on the floor. Ludwig lets him go and orders:

"Pick that up."

With that, he leaves him finally alone.

* * *

Feliciano's panic attacks get worse. He feels that his end is coming closer. If he continues like this, there is no way he will get out of this alive.

When Ludwig finds him, Feliciano can't even talk. The other asks him if he is okay, Feliciano is not, but he pretends to be. He doesn't even know if he is wounded. He isn't, so when Ludwig pushes him on his feet, he is surprised he can walk.

"You were lucky this time." Ludwig says, "You must have a guardian angel of sorts somewhere." A moment of silence, "I wonder if you ever killed anyone until now."

Feliciano doesn't talk. It is the first time Ludwig is the one speaking so much and it's kind of nice. The other's voice is calming him down. Ludwig is so composed; Feliciano wonders one more if he is human.

Maybe that is why Feliciano stops suddenly following him. Ludwig realizes almost immediately. He turns and looks at him, raises an eyebrow and waits:

"Do you understand now why I act this way?" Feliciano suddenly asks. He felts a lump in his throat. "I can't. It's the only way I have to survive."

Ludwig fully turns to look at him. Feliciano looks down at his hands. He is still shaking.

"If I stop thinking that this is going to end, that there is a reason to smile still, I will die." Feliciano says. Ludwig doesn't say anything. "The last time I had a panic attack like this was when I was kid, and Lovino, that's my brother, wasn't returning home after being sent to the market to buy some bread… and it was raining a lot… and it was really windy. So much I thought our house was going to be eradicated from its basis. I thought he died, and it was the first time I realized how much I loved him. Do you know what it feels like to be afraid to lose somebody? It's terrible. But you are always so cold, I wonder if you are human. Or is it because you believe so much in your country's cause that you don't care if somebody you love is going to die? You can hate me as much as you want for smiling no matter what and trying to sing when the fight is over, but I prefer to be like this than being as cold as you are. You don't care about anything else but your cause and this damned war. I am tired, Ludwig. I am really tired, and if you take my smile away, I will die."

Ludwig stares at him for a long moment, and Feliciano felt his face warm up. He gulps because he knows he has talked too much, and it shows by the way Ludwig is staring at him. It's indescribable, and it's the closest to something to an emotion Feliciano had ever seen him.

Then:

"I have a brother too." Ludwig says. "You would have liked him."

Feliciano's heart skips a beat again. Maybe it's the aftermath of his panic attack.

"He talks as much as you and he never makes any sense sometimes. They put him in prison for treason." Ludwig says.

"W-what?" Feliciano says.

"It's a wonder how they agreed to make me a tenant when it's known my brother is dying in a concentration camp." Ludwig continues, "I think about him, and keep going."

"I am sorry." Feliciano says. Ludwig scoffs and keeps walking back to the camp. They are the last ones from their regiment. They are alone in a world that smells of blood.

"I want this war to be over as much as you do." Ludwig says. "I want to be able to find my brother after all this is over, but if I let myself mourn and have panic attacks I will never manage that."

Feliciano looks down, but Ludwig doesn't say anything more. He keeps walking, and Feliciano can't do anything but follow.

* * *

That night Feliciano finally manages to fall asleep. Maybe it's because he knows his tent is right next to his tenant's. He decides before he loses consciousness that he will survive this war. To see his brother again, to listen to his grandfather's stories and to finally be able to talk to Ludwig and take him out for a drink like real friends.

* * *

For a long while Feliciano doesn't have panic attacks anymore.

* * *

Ludwig doesn't expect the pain. It takes him a while to understand who shoot him, but in the end he doesn't care. It is his fault. He should have been more careful. The pain in his shoulder is indescribable and he is conscious he is losing a lot of blood. The bombs keep falling and Ludwig falls with them.

He hopes Feliciano will survive this fight as well. He thinks about the other's smiles and he feels calm. He would die in peace if someone tells him that Feliciano will be okay. Someone is shooting next to him, but his vision is too blurry to see who it is.

He can't breathe.

But then all noises fade out, and there is Feliciano's voice saying something to his ear. He opens his eyes he doesn't know he has closed and looks around him. White walls surround him. It smells of ammoniac and his shoulder doesn't hurt so much.

"You are alive!" Feliciano exclaims. Ludwig turns his head to him, but the movement makes his heart spin. Feliciano's hand is instantly on his chest.

"Don't move." Feliciano whispers. "Ludwig, don't move."

Ludwig wonders since when he likes when Feliciano says his name.

"Your shoulder is fine." Feliciano is saying, "There is no sign of infection and your arm should heal in no time. You scared me, Ludwig. Don't do that ever again."

"Feliciano." Ludwig says, but he doesn't know how to continue. Feliciano laughs softly.

"At least you remember me."

"Can I forget you?" Ludwig asks no one in particular.

Feliciano doesn't respond.

"You could." Feliciano says after a long moment. "I am just a simple soldier, and not a very good one at that. I am useless, that's what you always tell me, right? Remember when you trained me the first time? If looks could kill, I would be long dead."

"You speak too much." Ludwig says.

"And you speak too little." Feliciano says, "But when you do, I like you always a little bit more."

Ludwig scoffs and closes his eyes, suddenly tired. He feels Feliciano's presence next to him all night long.

* * *

Two months later there are orders from above. Ludwig's regiment must move to Cephalonia, an island in Greece. Feliciano and Ludwig pack their things and together with other five hundred men take the first ship to Greece.

_To be continued. _


	2. Chapter 2

**_A.N. This chapter was written while listening to "Salvation" by Gabrielle Aplin. I stumbled across this song by chance and it's really lovely. I think she has a great voice, and I blame her (in the good way) if this chapter made me a little bit cry… okay, enough with this nonsense and on with the story._**

* * *

It is summer when they first set foot on the island. It is hot and so different from the landscape Ludwig is used to see that he suddenly feels like the war doesn't exist anymore. He closes his eyes and listens to the cicadas screeching in the background. There is someone walking on the sand next to him, and then he hears Feliciano laughing with one of his friends.

It is then that Ludwig opens his eyes and looks at him. Feliciano is not paying him any attention. He and his friends are splashing water at each other. It feels like they are on vacation, and Ludwig finally feels calm for the first time in months.

It is when Feliciano looks up to him, his smile so wide and his eyes so bright, that Ludwig even forgets that the pain in his shoulder even existed in the first place.

* * *

His regiment is staying in a set of abandoned houses in a village near the capital city. They meet the rest of the Italian Division there, while there is a troop of German soldiers more North. Ludwig will go meet them in two days, but for now he can forget he is there as a soldier and can relax in the Italian company.

Feliciano is always laughing. He even manages to befriend some Greeks, and even if they don't speak the same language, he tries his best to be understood. Ludwig notices that the women turn their head whenever Feliciano walks past them. He feels a little strange in the stomach at that, but it doesn't pay it any attention.

Feliciano is handsome, Ludwig admits it. Especially now, so far away from the frontline and the panic attacks, without any blood on his face. Feliciano is smiling again, and he flirts and jokes as Ludwig supposed Feliciano did before the war started.

What Ludwig doesn't expect is seeing the Greek children taking a liking to Feliciano almost immediately. Their parents try to take them away from the soldiers, whispering something to their ears, but some of them are bold enough to rebel and demand food from them in front of their parent's eyes. It is the Italians they like the most and they don't even get closer to the Germans.

Ludwig is not supposed to know, but he is aware Feliciano and other soldiers secretly give the kids food when the German soldiers are not there. So when Ludwig tells Feliciano he will be the regiment's cook from then on, he is quite proud to see the surprise (and delight) in the other's face.

* * *

Ludwig doesn't expect the order to leave his previous regiment and move to them in two months when he meets the German troop up North. He complies immediately, but there is something inside of him that wants to continue being the tenant of that division of crazily cheerful Italians that liked to play guitar and sing all night long under the moonlight.

* * *

Feliciano likes to cook. There is a lot of pasta because past it's easy to carry, but the island provides them with olives too, lemons, and tomatoes. Feliciano likes that because he is reminded of his brother and of home. Lovino loves tomatoes, and he is sure Lovino would have loved spending his time there.

Feliciano wonders if they could return back to that island together when the war will end, if the war will end at all. A sense of nostalgia overwhelms him, and it's only when he starts cooking he can forget his loneliness a little bit.

There is not enough food for everyone, but it is enough for the soldiers, so he doesn't see any problem secretly sharing with the kids in town. Feliciano likes them a lot, he wishes he could be like them, and his heart warms when they smile at him in gratitude.

He feels finally useful for once.

Feliciano knows Ludwig has noticed, and he is grateful. When Ludwig drops by his quarters by chance, Feliciano is happy. Ludwig stays by the door for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to do. He looks left and right as if expecting someone to throw a grenade on him, but nothing happens. There is only Feliciano who motions him to sit down.

Ludwig takes an old looking wooden chair and does as told. They look at each other for a while, and even if Feliciano is sure this should be awkward, it is not. He feels calm and safe, as if Ludwig could protect him from everything.

"Do you want something to eat?" Feliciano asks because listening to Ludwig's soft breathing makes him feel weird in the stomach and he doesn't know how to deal with that. "I can cook some pasta for you. No need to tell the others!" He jokes and winks. Ludwig looks down at his fingers and actually blushes.

"There is no need." He says, and adds after a moment of silence: "Thanks."

Feliciano feels so warm and it's not because it's summer. He smiles, and he is surprised when Ludwig smiles back.

It just the corners of the other's mouth curling up, but Feliciano is fascinated by it and can't stop staring. He still does that when Ludwig says:

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." And it's true. Feliciano smiles widely at him. "It is so peaceful here."

"Peaceful…" Ludwig repeats and closes his eyes. "Yes, yes it is."

"I went to the sea yesterday… err… okay, you are not supposed to know, of course, and they are going to kill me now that I told a Ge-! I mean, never mind. I went to the sea. Some girls came with us as well and it was so great! It's so hot here that we were seriously in need of a bath, and then he laid down on the sand and… and it was like being on vacation."

Ludwig is staring at him, Feliciano feels lost in the other's eyes.

"A-anyway…" Feliciano stutters, "You should come as well, sometimes. Tonight we were thinking of having some celebration of sorts with the Greeks in town. It seems like it's a big day today in Greece. I didn't know that, of course, but when they told me, I thought it would be a nice idea to be present… take our mind away from all the… well, you know, right?"

Ludwig is staring at him, and Feliciano's heart skips a beat.

"You should totally come." He concludes. Ludwig actually laughs a little bit.

"You know very well that my presence is not going to be welcomed."

Feliciano is taken aback, even if he knows Ludwig is stating the truth. He doesn't know what to say, so he says nothing. Suddenly Ludwig stands up, the chair creaking a little under him.

"I…" Ludwig starts, sighs, looks at Feliciano again. Feliciano stands up too and stares at Ludwig, feels the need to step closer and the sudden fear of the other's presence. "I-!" Ludwig tries again and then shakes his head, "I wanted to tell you that I have orders to move in with the German troop up North."

Feliciano lets out a gasp.

"Why?" Feliciano asks. Ludwig looks at him, half shocked, half amused.

"Orders."

"O-oh." Feliciano says and looks down. "When?"

"In a month." Ludwig says as if he has been practicing that conversation for over a month now. (He has).

"Oh." Feliciano says and looks at everywhere else but at Ludwig. "Does that mean that we won't see each other again?"

"Don't be stupid." Ludwig reprimands, "We are allies."

"Yes… yes, right." Feliciano says and smiles widely at him. Ludwig nods and makes his way to the door again, but before he could disappear from sight, he turns to Feliciano once more.

"I am glad to see you finally happy." He says. Feliciano blinks at him and smiles. He fidgets a little bit and watches as Ludwig finally turns to leave for good. Feliciano bits his lips and then he suddenly finds himself following him out.

"Ludwig, wait!" Feliciano exclaims. Ludwig raised an eyebrow at him and he is surprised when Feliciano grabs him by the shirt and hugs him.

Ludwig tenses.

Feliciano is smaller than him, but it fits so well in his arms that he is afraid. The other smells of sea salt and tomatoes, and Ludwig wonders if it would be a good idea to hug the Italian back. It's not, so he doesn't.

"Thank you." Feliciano mumbles against the other's shirt.

"F-for what?"

Ludwig doesn't want to admit he misses the other's warmth when Feliciano steps away to look at him straight in the eyes. Feliciano smiles.

"For telling me." Feliciano says, "I would have hated it if you left without an explanation. You changed, Ludwig." He says teasingly, "A year ago you would have been happy to leave me!"

Ludwig snorts.

"You know that that is not true." Ludwig says even if Feliciano has a point. Feliciano knows, and laughs.

"I hope I can see you tonight." Feliciano says, "But even if I don't, I still have a month to spend with you, so it's fine. Just don't ruin this month for me with training or ordering me around, okay? Let's pretend this is just a big vacation."

"Why you treat everything like a joke, Feliciano?" Ludwig asks teasingly, and Feliciano smiles.

"Just for one month." Feliciano says instead, his grin turning wider. Ludwig puts a hand on Feliciano's shoulder and his lips curl upwards.

"I am still your tenant. Don't forget that, Feliciano." Ludwig says. Feliciano shrugs and finally waves him goodbye.

* * *

Feliciano is not there when Ludwig packs his things and waits for the car to pick him up. It's almost dawn when he finally gets on the jeep that will take him to his new brigade. The soldier driving him starts the engine and Ludwig finally spots Feliciano running up the hill to them.

Feliciano is panting, red in the face from the strain, his hair a mess from running, and he is waving at them. Ludwig raises a hand in recognition, and Feliciano keeps waving and smiling and shouting something that Ludwig doesn't catch over the engine's constant rumble.

* * *

The next time Feliciano sees Ludwig is not under the best circumstances. Feliciano has a feeling Ludwig hasn't returned back just to visit him, even if he really hopes that was it. When Feliciano sees him walking with other two German soldiers to the house his current sergeant is current presiding, Feliciano feels overwhelmed with joy.

He knows that Ludwig has seen him too because the other nods at him in recognition. Feliciano doesn't expect Ludwig to leave his group to go to him, and he is not disappointed when Ludwig disappears inside the house for more than two hours.

Feliciano should be staying with his friends, but he doesn't. He opts to wait under an olive tree until Ludwig comes out. He picks a flower up and starts humming songs to himself, enjoying the sun.

Feliciano probably falls asleep as well, because the sun is already setting when the German soldiers finally come out again. He scrambles back to his feet as he notices Ludwig asking for permission to leave for a moment, and makes a bee line over where Feliciano is sitting.

Feliciano smiles at him, the flower still in his hands, but Ludwig is strangely serious and motions Feliciano to follow him.

"Is everything okay, Ludwig?" He asks. Ludwig glances at him and keeps walking further into the woods. When he is sure no one is around, Ludwig finally looks at him.

"I am glad to see you well." Ludwig says, and Feliciano smiles.

"How are things with the other troop?" Feliciano asks. Ludwig snorts.

"Pretty boring, actually."

Feliciano laughs then and gives Ludwig the flower he was holding. Ludwig stares at it for a while before tucking it in his pocket.

"I kind of missed you, Ludwig." Feliciano says after a while.

"You miss me ordering you around?" Ludwig asks teasingly, and Feliciano shakes his head amused.

"No, of course not." Feliciano says, then sighs. "I know you didn't come for me, but I am really glad to see you again."

"Actually…" Ludwig starts, his face turning serious in an instant. "There is a reason why I dragged you here."

Feliciano looks up at him in confusion, and Ludwig fidgets a little before making up his mind and reaching for the front pocket of his jacket. Feliciano stares fascinated as Ludwig takes a letter out and hands it to him.

"It is addressed to you." Ludwig says. Feliciano notices that the envelope is already open and he raises a questioning eyebrow at Ludwig. The blond man gulps. "I wanted to make sure it wasn't something that would upset you." He explains and looks away. "But I guess you should know, and I didn't want anyone else to be there when-!" He stops and motions Feliciano to read the letter.

Feliciano feels a lump in his throat as he takes the letter out and starts reading it. His fingers start shacking and his breath comes short when he finally reads the last line of the letter. He tries to keep calm, and blurts out the only thing that wasn't important in that moment.

"Who is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo?" Feliciano asks, but Ludwig shrugs, sitting down on a rock. Feliciano looks back down at the letter and his head is spinning around. He feels like dying, or maybe he is dying, because suddenly Ludwig is standing up again and is holding him close, telling him he is sorry over and over again and..

"Please, breathe, Feliciano! Breathe!"

Feliciano tries to breath, but he can only concentrate on the message in the letter, on the words "I am sorry to inform you that Lovino Vargas has died the…". Who cares when he died? Feliciano is only aware of Ludwig's arms around him and the words 'Lovino' and 'died' in the same sentence.

"Breathe, Feliciano." Ludwig orders but it is gentle, it is like the Mediterranean's waves crushing on Cephalonia's sand. Feliciano lets out a scream and holds Ludwig close.

"I am sorry. I don't want you to have a panic attack."

Feliciano gulps and feels his tears falling down, and he can't stop shacking, he can't stop feeling like dying.

They stay like that for a while, before Feliciano finally manages to breathe naturally. It is Ludwig's scent that calms him down. The knowledge that it's Ludwig there comforting him and not another stranger.

"I am sorry." Ludwig whispers in his ear, and Feliciano closes his eyes. He crumbles the letter with one hand and drops it on the floor. Ludwig still holds him and Feliciano is glad.

"I never told him I love him." Feliciano whispers against Ludwig's jacket. "I always was so pissed at him, but it hurt so much when we parted…." He closes his eyes, "Oh, my God, Ludwig. My brother is dead."

Ludwig doesn't talk, he is not good with words, and the only thing he can do is hold Feliciano tight.

"I am glad it's you." Feliciano says after a moment between sobs, "I am glad you are here and not someone else. I wouldn't have-! I-!"

"We are friends, Feliciano." Ludwig whispers then, and Feliciano's heart skips a beat.

"Friends." Feliciano repeats and closes his eyes.

* * *

Ludwig stays some days more. Feliciano doesn't know how he managed to get the permission to stay, but he is glad. Nevertheless, he is not the only one who notices Ludwig's presence.

It is when he goes to sleep one night that one of his friends confronts him about it.

"You are really close to that German…" his friend whispers next to him. Feliciano just hums in response and slightly turns to look at him. What surprises him is not what the other said, but the way he said it. It is not an accusation; it is just a question without question marks.

"What German?" Feliciano asks because he is sleepy and he doesn't care. His friend laughs a little bit.

"Ludwig Beilschmidt." His friend whispers back. "I saw you in his company quite a lot."

Feliciano blinks and whispers:

"He was my tenant before I came here."

"I know that." his friend says, and then there is something akin to worry in his eyes. "I just don't think you should spend your time with him so much."

"Because he is a German?" Feliciano asks. He is not angry, just curious.

"Yes." His friend simply says.

"It doesn't matter to me." Feliciano says, and out of boldness adds: "He is my friend. He saved my life a lot of times."

"Maybe." Another man says on Feliciano's right. Feliciano turns his head to the source of the voice, but he can't see in the dark. "But it was because he needed you back then. What happens when he doesn't need you anymore? Do you think he won't kill you as soon as he is ordered to?"

Feliciano doesn't know how to respond to that, so he remains silent.

"Feliciano…" his friend says with a sigh, "We like you a lot and we are just worried about you. Don't trust people so easily." A pause, "Especially him."

"He is different." Feliciano just states and he wonders why he wants to defend Ludwig so much. His friend sighs again.

"Do you know why they came here to speak to the Sergeant some days ago?" He says then. Feliciano shakes his head no.

"We are not sure…" his friend says and Feliciano sees him biting his lip in the dark, "But something big is going to happen."

"Maybe it's just your impression." Somebody else says. Both Feliciano and his friend recognize one of the newly arrived. "What could happen in a peaceful island such as this?"

"Indeed." Feliciano says. "Stop worrying, Marco. Everything is fine."

"Hmm…" Marco says and closes his eyes. "Still, don't trust Beilschmidt."

"I don't." Feliciano says, just to make his friend feel better. "Now sleep."

And they do.

* * *

After the news of his brother's death, Feliciano doesn't sleep well. He wakes every half an hour with a start, he dreams of bombs and grenades and holes in the dirt. It's only when Ludwig greets him in the morning that he can finally calm down. It is nice to know Ludwig is there, and Feliciano forgets about his friend's advice and enjoys the other's company.

* * *

It is a Friday when Ludwig tells him he must go back to his own regiment. Feliciano doesn't take it badly. He knows that there is a war going on and they are supposed to be soldiers. Nevertheless, he can't help holding Ludwig's hand a little bit longer than necessary when they are alone. Ludwig tenses at first, but then he relaxes in Feliciano's hold, and there is a light in his blue eyes Feliciano has never seen.

It is beautiful, warm, and it makes Feliciano smile.

* * *

It is the first days of September when the armistice is made public. The Italians soldiers don't know whether to be happy or worried. Some of them want to celebrate, stating that this means the end of the war for them and they can go finally home.

Marco is one of the few who keeps a frown on, but Feliciano doesn't understand why he looks constantly on alert.

There are people coming and going. Rumors mix with truths. Feliciano wonders if he will go home by the end of the year. He wonders if his grandfather is okay, now that Feliciano is the only family he has left. He wants to return back home and spend as much time as possible with him, enjoy the other's company and listens to all of his boring stories.

He wonders if after the war he will manage to get in contact with Ludwig again. He dreams of a future together and feels like already celebrating the end of the war.

* * *

It's not the end of the war.

It's the start of a massacre.

* * *

Telegrams come and go. Choices are made. When one day someone asks them whether they want to surrender or resist the Germans, the soldiers opt for the latter. Feliciano is not sure if he is one of them, but he agrees anyway. He wants so much to go home. He wants so much everything to be over. He hopes Ludwig is fine. He hopes he won't need to hold a gun ever again.

(He does).


	3. Chapter 3

"This is madness."

The words are out of his mouth before he can register them. Ludwig is shocked, but not as his superior is when he turns and says the aforementioned words to him. He is staring at him, his eyes wide and scrutinizing, and it is like he is hoping he hasn't heard well and is waiting for Ludwig to repeat himself. Ludwig doesn't apologize so his superior takes it as Ludwig wants him to.

"This is an order, Tenant." His superior says punching the table to make his point. Ludwig doesn't cringe, doesn't even grit his teeth and talk back. He is in no position to.

"Still." Ludwig tries. His superior just narrows his eyes at him.

"Don't make me remind you of your relationship with _betrayal_, Tenant. We both know fully well that it is not _your_ brother the one who should be spending his last days in a concentration camp."

Ludwig does cringe then, so he looks out of the window instead.

"It is a spot in your record that is never going to be washed away, no matter how much your brother took responsibility for it." His superior says. Ludwig sighs and looks at him again.

"Italy has betrayed us and is now fighting against us." His superior continues as if the previous conversation never happened.

Ludwig nods and glances at olive tree that can be seen from outside the window. His superior crosses his hands together and raises his eyes to Ludwig.

"I am sure you will take the right precautions." His superior says. Ludwig looks back at him, salutes him and gets out of his superior's office as fast as he can.

* * *

Feliciano's gun is empty. He panics as soon as he realizes he is completely defenseless. Marco is shouting something besides him, but Feliciano can't hear him over the constant shooting.

"Jesus!" Feliciano exclaims, throwing his gun away and searching for any other weapon on him.

It is then someone throws the grenade, and then the world is filled with dirt and blood.

* * *

"Where are they taking us?" Feliciano asks at his companions. Everyone is looking at each other a little bit lost, and Feliciano suddenly misses Marco, who always seemed to have a good answer to everything. Feliciano feels his eyes dampen at his dead friend's memory, but manages not to share a tear.

They are all sitting next to each other in a jeep driven by two German soldiers. Feliciano tries to look outside in order to see in which part of the island they are taking them to, but he only sees trees.

"They will probably send us to a concentration camp." Somebody says. "In their eyes, we are nothing but traitors."

"Maybe we should think of an escaping plan." Somebody else whispers. "They are only two, and-!"

"Yes, two." The man sitting next to Feliciano says, "Armed to the teeth. Some of us don't even have those."

There is silence again, and Feliciano decides they can't do anything but wait.

The jeep continues on for an hour more and then it abruptly stops in the middle of nowhere. Feliciano can't see anything but trees and another jeep waiting for them. There are more Italian soldiers there, and four Germans. Feliciano's heart skips a beat when he recognizes Ludwig among them.

He has no time to react as a German soldier abruptly grabs him from his shoulder and pulls him out of the jeep and orders him to stand in line with the rest of his friends. Feliciano, though, can't take his eyes off Ludwig, and Ludwig too is looking back at him.

Feliciano wants to call him, but he is being manhandled by the other German soldiers and he knows Ludwig is not there to help him. They make them stand in line with their backs against some rocks. There is no way they can escape. Somebody starts sobbing next to him, and Feliciano gulps because he knows where this is going.

Ludwig is staring at him, and Feliciano stares back. He wants to make sure that Ludwig is doing this unwillingly, but Ludwig's eyes are so cold it makes Feliciano shiver. Then the German soldiers line up before them and raise their guns at them.

Feliciano is still staring into Ludwig's eyes and he keeps doing so even when Ludwig opens his mouth and orders to shot.

The bullets hiss in Feliciano's and Ludwig's ears. Feliciano feels a scorching pain in his legs and he screams out as he falls. His face hits the ground and even if he can't take the agony, he doesn't dare to scream either. The shooting goes on for a while and a bullet manage to hit Feliciano in the shoulder. The last thing he sees is his blood mixing with the earth.

* * *

Feliciano wakes up and there is Lovino smiling at him. Lovino is never smiling at him, and Feliciano immediately realizes something is very wrong. He stands abruptly up and he sees he is in his own bedroom, back in Italy, back at home.

"Feliciano!" Lovino reprimands, feigning anger. "Do you know what time it is?"

"No, what did I miss?" Feliciano asks rubbing his eyes. Lovino grins at him, and Feliciano wants to tell him to smile more often because he is more handsome like this and girls are attracted to men that smile.

"It's almost noon, you dumbass." Lovino says and grabs him by the arm. Feliciano feels his brother's hand warm against his skin. "Grandpa is going to come home soon, and no one has prepared lunch!"

"Why don't you do it?" Feliciano asks a little pissed off. Lovino scowls.

"It was your turn."

Feliciano looks at him for a long moment.

"Why are you alive?" Feliciano suddenly asks. Lovino smiles softly at him, and it makes Feliciano's heart skip a beat.

His brother's features are a little bit blurry, and his voice sounds a little bit distant when Lovino opens his mouth and says:

"Is anybody alive?"

* * *

"Is anybody alive?" Someone asks. Feliciano wakes up with a start. His leg and shoulder hurt like a bitch, but he doesn't dare move. The German adds: "Don't be afraid. Whoever can stand up, please do. We will treat you and send you home."

Feliciano ponders the other's words for a while. He wonders if it's true, but then something tells him to stay still. He closes his eyes once more and waits. After a while he feels some of his friends stand up. The German says something to them, something that is supposed to make them feel better, so others stand up as well. Feliciano is tempted to do the same, but remains on the ground; his heart is beating fast against his chest.

Feliciano doesn't know why, but the shooting that comes a moment later is not unexpected.

Somebody offers to check the rest of the bodies. Feliciano wants so much to turn his head to their way when he hears Ludwig say:

"I will."

Somebody protests, but the tenant is not backing down. Feliciano remains still as he listens to the other's steps coming closer. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe as less as possible. He is on the verge of a panic attack, but his self-preservation instinct helps him overcome his fears. Feliciano waits.

Suddenly, somebody is kneeling beside him. Feliciano tries to hold his breath when Ludwig (he hopes its Ludwig) caress his face. Feliciano wants so much to open his eyes, but he doesn't.

"I am so sorry."

Feliciano hears Ludwig's voice and he can't take it anymore. He opens his eyes and looks up at him. Feliciano knows Ludwig is startled, even if his face remains unmoving. Ludwig stares at him for a long moment and then there is the sign of a smile on his face.

Feliciano gulps, because he remembers Marco's words and how true they had been. Nevertheless, he doesn't care. If he has to die, let it be by Ludwig's hands.

"I'll miss you a lot." Ludwig whispers loud enough that only Feliciano's hears, and Feliciano closes his eyes again waiting to be shot. He feels Ludwig stand up and walk away.

"No survivors." Ludwig says. "The other jeep is waiting for us. Let's go and finish with those too before we come back to bury them. We don't have time to waste."

"Yes, sir." The soldiers chant and Feliciano waits until he can't hear the jeeps anymore, before he tries to stand up. The pain in his shoulder and leg are excruciating and he can't even raise his arm that Feliciano falls down again. Feliciano knows he is going to die from blood loss and rests his head against the rock behind him.

The sun is setting, and Feliciano breath is coming short. When he closes his eyes he can see his brother smiling at him, and it's the only thought that keeps him warm.

* * *

On the train that takes him back to Germany, Ludwig feels a lump in his throat. He tries to keep his face as emotionless as he can in order not to attract the attention of his companions. In the inside, though, he wants to cry. It has been a long time since he wanted to do that. Maybe the last time he let himself go was when he still was a young boy.

Until now he was sure he was incapable to cry. He is, though, and the fact that he can't makes him furious.

He wants to go back in time, back to the point when he first met Feliciano and try his best not to grow as attached to him as he did. He tries to remember the first time they exchanged words, and he is surprised with himself for hating the Italian so much back then. It is unbelievable the way he couldn't stand him. He can't even remember how it felt.

Now there is a void. Ludwig has left Feliciano alive, but he had seen the wounds. Without care, Feliciano will die of blood loss. Feliciano could be even dead right now. And how sad is that?

How sad is it to know he will never hear that voice ever again? To never hear Feliciano's laughter? How sad is it to be aware that was the last time he had seen the other's hazel eyes? How infuriatingly sad is it to realize that he wants everything back? Ludwig should have expected it. He should have known Feliciano and he could never be together forever.

What makes him real sad, though, is the fact Ludwig realized how important Feliciano was to him too late. If he had known. If he had predicted it, he would have made the most of the days together.

Ludwig loves Feliciano, but it is too late now to do anything about it.

* * *

Somebody splashes water in Feliciano's face. It enters his nose and mouth and he abruptly opens his eyes. He takes a big breath, and the pain in his shoulder makes him scream. He tries to look around him in panic but it's dark. It takes him a while to adjust and then he can make out the silhouette of a man, then two and three.

"He's alive." The man closer to him says. Feliciano doesn't understand, he just stares at him for a while. He has green eyes and his dark brown hair fall over his eyes and around his face.

"We should take him away soon." Another man says, "I can already hear the jeeps coming back."

"Carry him away." The man with the green eyes says then checks Feliciano's wounds. "He is wounded on the shoulder and in the leg. He can't walk."

"I will carry him." Somebody says, and Feliciano looks up as a bulky man smiles at him and tenderly takes him on his shoulders. Feliciano doesn't really understand. He has lost a lot of blood and the pain is too much for him to handle. His head is spinning around and all he wants to do is sleep.

"Don't fall asleep." The green eyed man says and motions the others to go. Feliciano looks at him, wondering if he is still dreaming.

"Who are you?"

"Call me Herakles." The guy says. "I am a partisan. We are here to help you."

"I-!"

"No need." Herakles says with a smile, "You are Feliciano Vargas. I remember you."

Feliciano doesn't have enough strength to show his surprise. He falls unconscious instead.

* * *

When he wakes up again he is laying on a self-made mattress. It's dark and cold, and Feliciano tries to listen to any other sound that is not the constant screeching of the crickets. He wants to call out to someone, but the moment he opens his mouth, a hand grabs his arm and stops him mid track.

"Ssh."

Feliciano painfully turns his head to the side and notices the guy that saved him, Herakles, look at him.

"Don't talk." Herakles whispers, "If they find you here, we are all dead."

Feliciano doesn't need to be explained who 'they' are. He looks back up at the ceiling and stays still. He suddenly hears jeeps coming and going, people talking and occasional shooting. Feliciano doesn't know how long it is before everything falls silent again.

"I hate war." Feliciano whispers suddenly. Herakles shifts next to him. "It is madness. Killing people…" he gulps, "…its hell."

Herakles doesn't speak for a while, and Feliciano realizes he is not one for words. It reminds him of Ludwig, only not. Feliciano glances at him, and finally notices that Herakles is petting a cat. Feliciano calms immediately down at the sight, and the wanting to fill the silence suddenly disappears. It's the first time he doesn't want to talk, and he is surprised when Herakles finally speaks.

"You were lucky your wounds weren't so deep." The partisan says. Feliciano glances down at his shoulder and at his legs, then back at the cat Herakles is holding.

"How do you know who I am?" Feliciano asks then letting finally his curiosity out. "And why-?"

"You gave my cousins to eat." Herakles simply says. "And I recognize a good man when I see one." He adds after a moment of silence. Feliciano nods and gulps.

"I hope you can walk." Herakles says. Feliciano looks up at him again, and, as if in trance, tries to stand up. The pain in his shoulder is not gone, but it's not insufferable either. He tries to stand up and even if he is wobbling a little, he can move some steps back and forth. Feliciano smiles widely at Herakles, but the partisan simply stares at him.

"At dawn a boat will take you to the Peloponnese." Herakles says. "The sooner you leave the better."

"And what happens to me afterwards?" Feliciano asks a little bit afraid. Herakles' presence calmed him down and the thought they have to part makes him fear for his life. Herakles softly smiles at him.

"You will try to survive and go home." Herakles says, "My men will accompany you up to the Albanian borders."

"Thank you." Feliciano says and he is really grateful. Herakles looks down at the cat in his arms.

"I hate war too." Herakles says, "But I will fight against those who want to take my family's freedom away."

Herakles' green eyes are staring straight into Feliciano's ones.

"That's my anchor." Herakles states. "What's yours?"

Feliciano is taken aback by the question, but he immediately knows the answer. He smiles at Herakles and simply says:

"Love."

Herakles lets go of the cat, which stretches up at their feet, and shakes Feliciano's hand.

"You will survive then. Good luck."

Feliciano's heart skips a beat.


	4. Chapter 4

Herakles' men don't trust Feliciano at first, and it takes a while before Feliciano can talk to them without them looking strangely at him. When the time comes, Feliciano even learns some Greek and soon they are sharing stories around a bonfire when they are sure no German division is lurking in the vicinity.

"Even after all that happened, Cephalonia is a really beautiful island." Feliciano tells them one cold night in spring. They are hiding in the mountains, and even if the lemon trees are already blooming in the valleys, the air is still cold up where they are.

"Why is that?" One of Herakles' men asks curious stretching his hands to warm them against the fire.

"It was there I fell in love for the first time." Feliciano admits with a blush and then men are whistling and teasing him as his friends used to do back in Italy. Feliciano eats his bread with a smile on his face, and when they ask for more, he just laughs.

He laughs because Cephalonia should have been his grave, but he was born again when he realized he had fallen in love with Ludwig.

It is a realization that gives him courage and helps him overcome his fears. It is with that courage that he decides he will search for Ludwig and tell him everything. That no matter what may happen Feliciano will try to stay alive to achieve that.

It is a second chance to live, and he feels warm inside. It is a sparkle of hope.

* * *

Ludwig is in charge of the war prisoners in one of the military camps in Germany. He wonders how he got there after all he went through in the frontline and then in Cephalonia. It is like he is dreaming, or as if someone is trying to make him the soldier he once was before the events in that Greek island changed him radically. It is pointless, though, because Ludwig feels like his life started (and ended) in Cephalonia and there is nothing he needs to remember before that.

He is sick and tired of listening to the prisoners pleading and screaming for someone to just stop. He can't take it anymore of being a witness of the tortures and interrogations going on in the gloomy prisons. He wants out, and sometimes he wonders if he should end it then and there and go find Feliciano on the other side.

That day he is on the edge of doing just that. He plans it as soon as he is done interrogating one of the prisoners, a though one, an Italian partisan that have given the German army a hard time. He is not in charge of him and Ludwig doesn't personally know him. One of his companions is and has been working the partisan for already one month. Nevertheless, that day they ask Ludwig to take the interrogations over, and all Ludwig wonders is if he will be over soon and if he will manage to shot himself before dinner.

He is sick and tired. He feels like he is on the breaking point when he walks into the room, but that changes as soon as he sees the prisoner clutching the bars that contain him with bony fingers. A glance his way and Ludwig feels like someone has shot him straight in the heart.

For a moment he thinks Feliciano is there with him, but it doesn't take long for him to realize that the person standing there, almost starved to death, isn't Feliciano. Feliciano has never looked at him in that way. His hazel eyes have never been so cold and murderous. The difference was clear in Ludwig's eyes: where Feliciano would panic, this guy would just slice his throat.

Thought Ludwig can see the prisoner is definitely not Feliciano, he is confused by the resemblance between them. They have the same strand of rebellious hair, the same features, the same lines around the eyes, and Ludwig can't refrain from whispering Feliciano's full name as soon as he sees that face looking up at him. For a single moment, Ludwig is sure he has gone finally crazy.

"Feliciano Vargas?"

The guy's eyes widen slightly, and the soldiers that accompanied Ludwig look at each other in question.

"That is not my name." The guy says but there is a quiver in his voice that betrays him, and Ludwig knows he has struck a chord. He turns to his soldiers then and orders:

"I must speak to the prisoner in private."

The guy starts to shake. He is afraid of him, and Ludwig knows that the guy probably hates himself for losing control.

"Sir." One of the soldiers promptly tries to defy Ludwig's orders.

"I will call you when I'm done." Ludwig states. The soldiers are still lining beside the door unsure. One of them even makes a step forwards:

"We are here to make sure he is not going to hurt you in any-!"

"This is an order!" Ludwig barks because he needs to talk to the prisoner soon, before the other falls unconscious from the strain. The soldiers salute him and finally, albeit too slowly for Ludwig's taste, they walk away, leaving him alone with the prisoner. Silence falls and Ludwig is trying to find the right words to start. It is the prisoner, though, who talks first.

"Cut the crap." He says, "And tell me how exactly do you know my brother, you son of a bitch!"

Ludwig looks down at him and enquires his eyebrow. The guy stares defiantly at him, but it is just a façade. The month he has passed in the prisons has already taken control of his mind.

"Are you Lovino Vargas?" Ludwig asks because he needs to know. Lovino looks up at him, startled, and bites his lips in anger.

"Is he here?" Lovino shouts. "Damn you, bastard! If you ever-!"

"Feliciano is not here." Ludwig says and kneels down at Lovino's eye level. If the other is surprised, he is too tired to show it. "I was his Tenant before I came here." He adds to calm the other down. "He talked to me about you."

Lovino gulps and looks at him straight in the eyes.

"This is one of your sick tricks, isn't it? Potato bastard?" Lovino scorns, "I will not say a word, so let's get this over this and kill me."

"There is no trick." Ludwig whispers, because he knows that they are probably listening in to their conversation. "Feliciano talked to me about you a lot, before we had to part ways after the Armistice."

Lovino's shoulders drop and he leans against the bars suddenly exhausted. Ludwig studies Lovino's bones showing under his skin. He is standing before a man ready to die, and for a moment Ludwig knows he is looking at the ghost of what the man used to be.

"We thought you were dead." Ludwig says then. That seems to gain Lovino's attention.

"Dead?" Lovino asks. Ludwig nods.

"A letter arrived to my regiment in Cephalonia almost half a year ago. A man named-!" Ludwig stops and searches through his memories, "Carriedo, I think, wrote to Feliciano with the news of your death."

There is a sparkle in Lovino's eyes that Ludwig is surprised to see. In a moment Ludwig feels like the ghost is coming back to life. Lovino remains with his mouth tightly shut for a while before he finally whispered:

"What do you want to know from me?"

Ludwig stares at him because he seriously doesn't want to learn anything from him. He is done with this war and just wants out. Nevertheless he asks:

"What happened?"

Lovino ponders for a while. He is giving up.

"I joined the partisans, that's what fucking happened. A friend of mine helped me escape. 'Leave the uniform and identification tag behind', he said. I suppose it was because it's easier for me not to be recognized without them. The idiot." He snorts, "He probably took my ID with him in battle, or left it in the frontline for someone to find it, so everyone would think I am dead."

Lovino falls silent again.

"Antonio had joined another regiment. I-I was alone." Lovino adds after a moment, his eyes unfocused. "I didn't want to be a part of this fucking war anymore, so I left."

"Who's Antonio?" Ludwig asks, and Lovino's eyes snap to his. He looks completely terrified, as if Ludwig has been pointing his rifle against his heart. Ludwig understands, so he says: "I am not here to harm you or… Antonio."

Lovino snorts. He doesn't believe him, and Ludwig knows he wouldn't either if he had been in Lovino's place.

"He is a soldier sent from Spain to aid the Italian fucking army." Lovino answers in the end. He closes his eyes. "It doesn't matter." Lovino whispers, "Antonio thinks I am dead. He probably found that ID and jumped to conclusions. I should have told him, but he wasn't _there_…"

Lovino falls silent again, and it's Ludwig's turn to talk.

"Feliciano was devastated." Ludwig continues. "He broke down into tears right in front of me when he read that letter."

"He is like that." Lovino says, his voice is hoarse.

"This Antonio too must have been devastated." Ludwig continued suddenly remembering that day in the woods, with Feliciano clutching the letter against his chest, "The ink on the letter was smudged, as if he has been crying when typing it."

Lovino looks up at him again. There is hope in those hazel eyes, and Ludwig feels like he has helped Feliciano's brother in a way. It feels like redemption and it warms him inside.

"The bastard." Lovino says and then he tightens his hands into fists. The hope suddenly disappears from his face. "I hope this is not a sick trick from your part."

"I told you it's not." Ludwig cuts him. "In fact, I am planning to free you when I get the chance."

Lovino is taken aback by the proposal, but he still looks back at Ludwig untrusting. Ludwig understands the other's stance completely, but he can't refrain from thinking that the way the guy is looking at him is slightly infuriating.

"I am sure you want to let me go only to follow me until the partisan's HQ." Lovino states. "I am not buying it."

Ludwig stares at him, and Lovino stares defiantly back. However, it doesn't last long, as a moment later Lovino seems to have spent all his energies and lays his forehead against the bars again.

"I will bring you some food when I can." Ludwig says then. Lovino just shrugs, while Ludwig sighs and stands upright. Lovino watches him under half-lidded eyelashes.

"Where is he?" Lovino suddenly whispers. Ludwig looks down at him again. "My brother?"

"I don't know."

"Is he alive, bastard?" Lovino asks narrowing his eyes, "Tell me that at least!" He is trying to scream, but his voice comes out like a hiss.

Ludwig doesn't know what to say. He is sure Feliciano is dead, but if he tells Lovino that, the other would lose the last bit of courage he has, so he says instead:

"He was when I last saw him."

Lovino stares at him for a while as if to try and understand whether Ludwig is lying to him or not. His tough façade crumbles down and he looks suddenly vulnerable again.

"Call me what you want. A freak, gay, whatever, I don't care anymore, but I need to go to Antonio. I must go to him –t-to them." Lovino whispers and closes his eyes. "So keep your promise and let me out."

"I will bring you something to eat first." Ludwig just says.

Lovino snorts again and lies down on the floor.

"Whatever." He whispers and Ludwig finally leaves the prisons.

* * *

They are not even close to the Albanian border when the German troop finds them. Feliciano is ordered to take his gun and fire, and he does but misses his target. He is panicking again. His heart rate is unbelievably high, but he tries to stay focused.

They manage to escape only to be caught again two days later. The German troop seems not to care whether they live or die, but they are surprised when they realize they have no intention of killing them on the spot.

Feliciano has a sense of déjà vu when they carry them on the jeep and take them away. His Greek companions look at each other, plotting escaping plans over and over again until they come up with something that could save them.

"The war is not going well for them." One of the Greeks tells Feliciano on their fourth day of captivity. "They probably want to take us to a concentration camp and work for them. There must be shortage of labor."

"What happens there?" Feliciano asks because he always hears about these camps but is now sure of what they really imply. He has an idea, though, and the pained smile on his companion's face confirms it.

"It's a terrible place." The Greek tells him, "Prisoners are not human beings there anymore, and once you lose that, it's over."

"We have no choice." Another says, "Either they kill us there or we die in battle, so we have to act fast."

Feliciano stops him before they could let him in the escaping plan. He has plans of his own and this is an opportunity he doesn't want to let go. It takes him a lot of courage for him to say:

"You go. I will stay."

His new companions stare at him as if he has gone crazy, and Feliciano knows they are probably are right. They start complaining immediately after and they try to make Feliciano change ideas in any way they can. It is no use, though.

"I must reach Germany." Feliciano says. "I need to do something there."

"You will die!" One of the Greeks says, "Maybe they will send you in Russia, or Poland, or they could shot you the moment we manage to escape. Come with us, stay in Greece!"

"I can't." Feliciano says and he smiles sadly at them. "I am so happy to have met you, but I need to go to Germany."

The Greeks try but it's no use, and soon the time comes for them to escape. It is quick and they surprise the Germans in their sleep. They fight with what they got, and it is almost a miracle when half of them manage to escape unscathed and alive. Feliciano helps them, but then stays with the German troop.

That surprised the Germans more, and they probably don't kill him on the spot just for that. They take him away and even try to involve him in conversations that are not a pity attempt of gaining information. In the end they like Feliciano, and Feliciano sees the man in them.

Everyone is fighting a war of his own, Feliciano ponders. But we are all human beings.

* * *

Ludwig's plan is pitiful. He thinks about how to let Lovino out without involving anyone or risking both of their lives. It's impossible, and in the end he decides he has no other choice than run away with Lovino. Ludwig has nothing to lose, but he makes it his aim to keep Feliciano's brother alive. He thinks of that, and gains a reason to live. It is with that new attitude that he manages to take his weapons and save Lovino from the prisons.

They keep running away for weeks after that until they are sure no one can find them anymore. Ludwig is officially a deserter, and when they finally find the partisans, Ludwig suddenly feels happy.

Lovino is grateful to him, and even if he still doesn't like Ludwig so much, he convinces the other Italians to take Ludwig in. In front of them, Ludwig swears to God he will protect Lovino no matter what.

* * *

The Germans do take Feliciano in a concentration camp. Feliciano doesn't understand the name, but it probably doesn't matter anyway. He goes in and he is stripped of his identity and what remains of him is a number on his wrist. It hurts like hell, but at the beginning he is glad to be alive.

It is not long until he is too tired and tortured to think about Ludwig anymore. It takes him days until he loses all hope.

It is then that a strange man with hair white as snow and eyes crimson red comes in the picture. They guy takes Feliciano under his wing without Feliciano asking for anything.

"We are in this together." The guy says with a wide grin, "I've seen you struggling for a while, and I thought I should lend you my awesome hand. You know? I've been here for a while, but nothing has killed me yet. Isn't that great?"

"Who are you?" Feliciano asks.

"Call me Gilbert." The guy answers. "And I will teach you how to survive."


	5. Chapter 5

It's been a while since the last time he felt like this: his heartbeat suddenly, maniacally increasing, his throat going dry, the world around him spinning and what he fears the most-the white noise. Feliciano couldn't hear a thing, his eyes can focus on the other's mouth opening and closing, but there is no sound. Silence terrifies him. It is the same sound he hears before the bombs fall down on the ground. The same nothing.

He is having a panic attack. He is sure he is going to die. He can feel it in his bones. Ludwig. Where is Ludwig? Ludwig! Ludwig!

"Feli! Calm down!"

Feliciano blinks because for a moment he thinks he hears Ludwig, but when he looks up, it is only Gilbert. The albino guy, who has strangely decided to help him out in this, is now shacking him, his fingers digging into Feliciano's shoulders. It is weird, but Feliciano's heart starts to beat slowly again.

"It was nothing! See?" Gilbert says as he raises Feliciano's bloodied hand. "It is just a scratch. It will heal. Calm down, Feli, or we will gain their attention and then we are both fucked."

Feliciano does. He is hungry, he is cold and has lost count of the days spent in the concentration camp, but as he watches Gilbert holding his hand and roughly bandages it with pieces of his shirt, he realizes he has overreacted and that whatever he feels now, doesn't really matter.

"Oh." Feliciano wonders why he has panicked and he suddenly puts the pieces together. They have been working nonstop like slaves, and he has dropped the iron he was carrying from the exhaustion. The blood on his hand must have triggered something in him, he reasons, so he apologizes. Gilbert laughs and is still holding his hand when he says:

"It's alright." He smiles, even if Feliciano sees that his face is paler than usual. Feliciano's sudden panic attack has scared him, but he doesn't want to show it.

Gilbert is not like Ludwig, Feliciano suddenly thinks. Ludwig would have known what to do.

* * *

Ludwig knows exactly how much time has passed since he saved Lovino from the prisons. It's been months, albeit it feels like years, and winter is just around the corner again. He is aware of the time passing by mostly because Lovino isn't talking to him for weeks and it frustrates both of them.

Ludwig blames it on the fail attempt at destroying that enemy train carrying guns and provisions to the front, but Lovino doesn't complain about it and Ludwig doesn't really know.

So it comes a little bit as a shock to him when Lovino one day decides to verbally attack him, and keeps going for two days nonstop.

"It is all your fucking fault!" Lovino exclaims for the millionth time, "If you haven't started this war-!"

"Don't blame me!" Ludwig snaps back. "I am a victim as much as you!"

"Victim?" Lovino repeats and laughs so hard Ludwig would like to hit him to make him stop. "Do you think I don't know what fucking happened in Cephalonia? I admit I didn't when I met you that day in the prison, but then I asked, and you know what they fuking told me?"

"It was orders." Ludwig cuts shortly because he doesn't want to remember. Lovino's eyes are suddenly red and he is staring at him in a way that makes Ludwig uneasy.

"Orders, orders." Lovino mumbles, "That's your justification for everything. You lied to me. You killed Feliciano or you _ordered_ someone to kill him. He is dead, I know! He is-!"

Ludwig widens his eyes at him, finally realizing why Lovino is in such a bad mood. He suddenly grabs him by the arm and pulls him closer so they can face each other.

"I didn't kill him..." Ludwig says, "…and I didn't lie to you. He was alive when I left him."

Lovino is staring at him, but he doesn't say anything for a long while. Ludwig is suddenly reminded of Feliciano in the way Lovino's eyes are red from unshed tears. It is the same looks and something in his heart makes him want to run away.

"I know you are going a though time." Ludwig says because he has spent so much time with Lovino he can understand him. "We will find Antonio and-!" He gulps because this time he is lying for sure, "We will find Feliciano as well."

Lovino eyes suddenly look at him confused and he makes a step backwards, putting as much as distance between each other as possible.

"What is him to you?" Lovino asks in a whisper. Ludwig just sighs and runs a hand through his dirty hair. They have been hiding for days and it's been a while since they ate and bathe properly. Adding the exhaustion to Lovino not talking him for weeks makes Ludwig really exasperated by the whole point of this conversation. Lovino, however, seems in a better shape than him, as if nothing was the matter, and for a moment Ludwig wonders if it all in his head.

Sometimes Lovino and Feliciano's faces overlap each other. Sometimes Ludwig finds it hard to tell them apart and wants to call Feliciano's name when he feels alone. Maybe that is why he wants to just take Lovino in his arms and stop pretending to be fine.

Nevertheless, Lovino doesn't give him such a choice. He makes another step backwards as if reading Ludwig's thoughts, and stares at him with pity.

"I am not him, you know." Lovino says his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Ludwig is taken aback by that, but Lovino cuts him off before Ludwig can say anything. "I-I didn't mean to snap at you before."

It is the closer attempt to an apology that Ludwig will even get from Lovino. His hearts starts beating frantically and Lovino makes another step backwards as if he can hear his heartbeat.

"I know." Ludwig says. Lovino is frustrating and so different from Feliciano that Ludwig wonders if they really are related, but then there are moments like this and he can't tell the difference anymore. Not when Lovino is looking at him as if Ludwig was the center of his world.

Ludwig knows it's not going to last long.

Once they find Antonio, Lovino will stop looking at him that way. Ludwig sometimes wonders if he should really feel relieved at that.

* * *

One day Gilbert tells Feliciano his story.

They are so exhausted they don't have the strength to look at each other while they lie together in that little hammock they call a bed. Three of their friends were gone forever that day, and Feliciano has a feeling Gilbert is losing hope.

He realizes Gilbert has gone through so much he is indeed letting go when he says:

"I have a brother."

It's barely a whisper, but Feliciano is close enough to hear him perfectly. He doesn't nod, not even acknowledges what Gilbert has told him, but Gilbert doesn't mind and just goes on.

"We come from a really important and wealthy family in Germany. When the War started- no, even before the War, when everybody was losing their minds, everyone was looking at me like I shouldn't be alive." Gilbert laughs, "Because of the way I look."

Feliciano doesn't say anything so Gilbert keeps on:

"But my family was so rich and I was such a good asset in the army that they didn't dare take me away. It would raise rumors and it could lead to the humiliation of the whole country if the right people dare complain about it, so they let me go."

There is a pause and then:

"When my brother received the letter in which it stated their absolute need to serve the country, we packed our stuff and left our city forever. Neither of us believed what they want us to believe, neither of us wanted to do what we were ordered to do, but we had to because our parents needed to be protected. But one day my brother decided he had enough and wanted to revolt. He planned it day and night and in a month he had enough men to take the regiment we served into down. Someone told on him, because there is always someone telling on someone else these days, and my brother was sentenced to death."

Feliciano furrows his eyebrows and slightly moves his head over to where Gilbert is.

"My brother is so young." Gilbert continues, "He is a good soldier, a good man, even if he is a pain in the ass sometimes. So I did the most sensible thing and took the blame. I told them that I was the one behind everything and that I was the one planning the rebellion all along. Even if they didn't believe me they took me instead because my brother is too good a soldier and he looks Arian enough, while I do not. They took me away because they wanted to do so all along and here I was serving my head on a silver platter. What better opportunity than that?"

"But they didn't kill you." Feliciano whispers then.

"No." Gilbert says with a smile, "No one can." He suddenly coughs, "My parents probably paid a lot of money for letting me go, but there was no way I could get out of this unscathed, so they sent me here. I was separated from my brother forever."

Gilbert suddenly falls silent and it takes a while before Feliciano finds the strength to ask:

"How long have you been here?"

"Three years. I am the one who outlived the longest here. I am awesome, after all." Gilbert coughs again and Feliciano can see that he doesn't believe it anymore. Feliciano suddenly panics and grabs his hand. Gilbert doesn't squeeze back, but he does continue talking: "It is so cold here. I feel like there is a wall separating me from the life I had before everything started, and I don't think that wall is ever going to go down."

"We will get out of here." Feliciano says, "You have to return to your brother, he is waiting for you."

"If he is alive." Gilbert whispers and Feliciano watches as the albino closes his eyes as if to sleep.

"If he is the way you described him to me, yes. He is strong, he is alive."

Gilbert doesn't say anything, but there is the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Do you know why I am here?" Feliciano asks then. "It is because I was trying to go back to someone I used to know." He shifts a little and looks up at the dirty ceiling above them. "But now that I am here I realize it's pointless. He has abandoned me…" Feliciano says and his heart clutches painfully in his chest, "I thought he loved me, but now that I think about it, he forgot me. He didn't come to see if I was alive, he didn't care. Even if he did and I still wanted to see him, I don't know where to find him, I don't know where he used to live. But it doesn't matter, because he doesn't. He was always so angry at me, but I thought that changed in Cephalonia. It is there I realized how much in love I was, but then he was ordered to kill me and he didn't think twice about it. I thought that the War was over for me, but it's not. I am still at war with myself."

"Feliciano." Gilbert suddenly says, putting two and two together, "You fell in love with a German?"

Feliciano nods and raises a hand to dry his eyes.

"I am such an idiot, I know, but I only have him and my Grandfather in this world. I thought he was my anchor, my reason to live, but it only lead me to my death."

"Feliciano, you are not alone." Gilbert suddenly says and finally squeezes Feliciano's hand back. "I am here too, remember?"

Feliciano laughs and moves closer to Gilbert, finally feeling at peace with himself.

* * *

When one of Lovino men comes running to them with an exhilarated expression on his face, Ludwig seriously believes that the news that the War was over were finally there. His heart beats loudly in his chest as the man stops before Lovino, waits a few seconds to regain breath and then he says:

"I found him."

Lovino looks perplexed for a moment, but then his eyes become wide as saucers and he drops the bowl of soup he has been drinking. Ludwig would have scolded him for the waste if he hadn't been so shocked himself. He automatically knows who the man found, and he and Lovino share a look that means everything and then nothing at all.

Lovino is practically petrified and he remains so silent that the man's expression turns from happy to worried in a second.

"Should I tell him-?" The man starts, but Lovino abruptly faces him and asks:

"Is he here?"

"I couldn't stop him." The man says with a little smile.

Lovino turns to look at Ludwig again, and Ludwig sighs, puts his own bowl of half-finished soup carefully down and stands up.

"We should go." He says. Lovino watches him as Ludwig silently orders him to move. Lovino does stand up too then and the two of them follow the man to the town.

They don't need to get so far as the man they want to meet is slowly but surely making his way up to them. They meet halfway, in the middle of the forest, and Ludwig feels Lovino shaking beside him as the man abruptly stops, looks at them and takes his military cap off revealing messy chestnut hair.

Ludwig stares at the Mediterranean, notices how his green eyes go wide with wonder and how his mouth forms a little 'o'.

"So this is Antonio." Ludwig ponders and remembers a letter from his past, along with green olive trees and Feliciano's tears.

Lovino is not moving, but it is not important, because Antonio suddenly drops his cap and his backpack on the ground and runs to where Lovino is. He takes him in his arms and, suddenly, unexpectedly, kisses Lovino on the mouth. When that happens, both Ludwig and the other man turn away in respect.

Ludwig shouldn't be surprised when he notices with the corner of his eye that Lovino is kissing back, but he is, and he finally realizes that it is time for him to stop messing around and return home.

* * *

Everything is chaos.

People bark orders and shot whoever comes their way. Gilbert drags Feliciano away and they hide somewhere until they are sure it's safe to come out. Feliciano is scared to death because he doesn't know what it's going on. Everyone either running away or hiding, and it's only when he hears someone shout: "The Americans!" that he realizes that the War is over.

He wants to come out of his hiding spot and meet his saviors, but Gilbert keeps him in place, silently telling him it's not the time yet. There are shooting, screams and sounds of battle, and Feliciano is suddenly reminded of a past life he would love to forget forever.

They don't know how much time passes before it's all over and hear people talking English around them. Feliciano smiles widely at Gilbert, the albino grins back and together they get out of their hiding place.

They give them food and new clothes to wear. For the meantime they both can regain their strengths and live like humans again. When they time comes, they will plan the rest of their lives.

Gilbert proposes that they go back in Germany together, but Feliciano shakes his head. He says his Grandfather is waiting for at least one of his grandsons to come back, and Feliciano has missed him a lot.

"This is not a goodbye." Feliciano says. "We will see each other again."

"Sure." Gilbert grins and tells Feliciano exactly where to find him.


End file.
